“Circumstances don’t make you, they reveal you.”

That was the message I got from this Facebook app, called God Wants You to Know.

Jeff Goins, in his book called Manifesto for Misfits, said “Most people don’t know who they are.”

Would it be wrong if I said…I think I’m scared to know who I am?

Maybe it’s because of the expectations I’ve set for myself? Or the expectations that I expect others are expecting which I expect to meet? Or, to be more exact, I’m expecting to fail to meet these unexpected expectations?

I told myself my word for 2014 would be Commitment.

One word to be my simple rule throughout the year. Yet here I am, having agreed to do a lot of things, the 500 Word Challenge, the Zero to Hero challenge, learning French, learning Cantonese on top of several priorities and I slipped up. I haven’t been able to keep up with a lot of them. Maybe I took on too much. Maybe I didn’t but I won’t know unless I push myself more to stay on track. And to that, I have to tell myself it’s okay. I slipped up but I can get back on track. I can’t expect myself to do things perfectly, that’s one of my most dangerous expectations.

I just have to keep at it.

Mistakes don’t define me. It’s what I do after that.

My (First) 500 Words

Okay, so to formally announce that I’ve joined the My 500 Words, I’ve decided to publish my 1st 500-Word work. It’s pretty much rambling but it feels great to just cross the 500-word mark. Thank you to all who gave me tips on the facebook page, if you get to read this!

So this is my first post:

I’m tired and really sleep and have no idea what to write but I swore that my word for 2014 is commitment and so I’m gonna do this, I won’t let this day pass without a 500-word post. Published or unpublished.

So at first I thought this would be easy. I vaguely remembered a 500-word thing I had to do in high school or something. For a while, I stupidly thought that 500 words was equivalent to a single paragraph. Yes, I know pretty stupid. So I signed up without any hesitation. Oh how wrong I was of what to expect. How very wrong.

But I’m not regretting my choice. No, this is good for me as a writer. Discipline. That’s what I need. That’s why commitment is my word for this year. This is one little trial that would instill discipline in me which I would need to finish the year awesomely. I have a lot of big projects in mind. I’m graduating, finally going to start a business, (this one is much clearer than the one I planned before), and hopefully raise the money to go abroad and work abroad. Really big steps for someone like me who really loves sticking to my comfort zone. But here I am, ready to take on the challenge.

Okay so here I am at 200+ words. Not even close to 250. I complained of how difficult this is turning out to be on the Facebook group and surprisingly, there are so many people who have warm hearts and just willing to give advice. Not the usual cold shoulder posts I usually get. I mean, “seenzoned” posts. Yey, at 280 words!

Turns out I’ve committed to do a lot of stuff. I’ve committed to do this. I’ve committed myself to learning French, which is so far from any of the languages that I’m used to, especially the accent and god knows how “good” I am at languages but I’m learning it’s okay. I don’t need to answer more than one exercise a day. The difficulty level is also good for me. Another challenge. Another training. Heck, if I’m going to live abroad, embracing this difficulty level is just another step to keeping an open mind and adapting to a different culture, right? And by the way, I’m learning to speak French only because it was among the choices in the app and I pressed it by accident. Though I don’t mean any offense to French people but you have to admit, if you don’t grow up using that language, it’s pretty hard to learn. And yeah, so I pressed it by accident and the exercises for French loaded and I decided, “what the heck?” and pushed on with learning French. I’m also trying to learn Italian on top of that, which I can see is pretty confusing later on, I mean I’m predicting it would be since I’m learning French at the same time. I’m also trying to learn Cantonese but I haven’t found a good app for that so I’m not really motivated since I can’t form sentences in Cantanose. By the way, it’s a form of Chinese. It’s the language that’s used in Hong Kong.

HEY! What do you know, I just finished over 540 words!

Thank you to everyone who gave me tips (I mean if you ever get to read this) 🙂

Back to the Beginning

The beginning of when I fell in love with world of imagination was when my mom used to read me bedtime stories.

The beginning of when I developed the resolve to learn to read well was when my mom was assigned to the graveyard shift at work.

And that was the beginning of when I could read so well, well ahead of my class.

And then there came a time when I noticed that my classmates were already reading well. And that was the first time I was afraid that I wouldn’t be special anymore.

Post idea c/o: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/30/daily-prompt-beginning/

Detached Writing

I’ve reread my posts and I realized that my fear of expressing myself too much on such a public medium has made me too detached.

What’s the point of writing if I don’t allow myself to be myself?

When has a true artist been truly appreciated when wearing a mask.

When has a writer felt proud of work when they’ve only done it to please others and not themselves.

Restless

I used to be able to spend hours reading a novel.

Now, even with my free time, I can’t stand it.

Maybe I’m done with playing pretend and getting lost in a make-believe world. Maybe I’m now itching to just do something with my life, take it by the horns and make something big happen.

Or maybe I’m restless because of all the work that I still have to do…