How can you expect to find the right guy in the wrong crowd?

Or girl. I’m going to talk about girls finding the right guy because I haven’t had many talks with guys about finding the right girl and long-term relationships but I suppose this could apply as well if you imagine it in a reversed situation.

I understand completely the bad boy appeal. The look. The sense of excitement and carefree…or is that an understatement?…the I-don’t-give-a-d*** attitude (for lack of a more fitting term). Yeah, it’s awesome to be with someone who doesn’t care about anything and just not care either. It’s like reverting back to childhood but the great part is that you’re in an adult body which gives you access and, in some cases, license to do what you want to do. (That’s the sole reason kids are in a hurry to grow up.)

I’ve never been a relationship with a bad guy (thank God) but I have friends with the same attitude and it can be contagious. Intoxicating. I can only imagine what effect it might have on someone if romance were added to the mix.

I’m not going to give advice. All I’m going to talk about is what it’s like to be the friend who’s just waiting and watching. It’s painful when friends get used by people they gave their heart to. It’s painful to see them fall from grace. I try to offer a hand. Sometimes they refuse. Sometimes they don’t see it. Sometimes I just bow my head because what has happened has happened and I can’t do anything about it. Sometimes I can’t do anything about what’s happening and what I know is going to happen. I hate being helpless but I’ve had to learn to deal with it again and again. All I can do is wait. For the inevitable to happen. For a word from that friend. For her tears to fall. For her to snap out of it. I wait for a while and sometimes I wait in vain. And it happens again. And there’s nothing I can do about it.

It always starts out differently. A friend would tell me about this new guy and I would listen. Other times, a friend would come to me when bad things happen. In whatever way it starts, I always know: the waiting has begun. Again.

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